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Old 01-12-2009, 09:26 AM
neverrude's Avatar
neverrude neverrude is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Hillsbourgh,NJ
Posts: 5,747
Talking Golf Aphorisms

* Golf balls are like eggs ~ they're white. They're sold by the
dozen ... and a week later you have to buy more.

* A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a
professional golfer to buy anything in there.

* It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will
replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

* When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot
easier to get up at
6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard?

* Golf is by far the ultimate love /hate relationship. Sometimes it seems as
though your cup runneth and moveth over.

* It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other
hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs
while performing brain surgery.

* A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the

* Water hazards are no walk in the park for fish, turtles, frogs or gators

* Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying
a lot.

* A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.

* That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about
skipping out on lawn work.

* If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your

* If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven,
he probably shot an eight.

* You probably wouldn't look good in a Green Jacket anyway! A sweatshirt
will do just fine!

* Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent
inability to count past the number 5.

* It's a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you're not
choosy about which fairway.

* If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would
play better.

* The greatest sound in golf is the Wosh, Wosh, Wosh, of your opponent's
club as he hurls it across the fairway.

* A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get
plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there's ever a medical emergency, a
doctor is always nearby

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

Education does not guarantee intelligence.

Prepare for the worst and you won't be disappointed.
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