Location: living near the least productive waters of the NE
Originally Posted by RobS
Canadians: ?Build a Damn Fence!" From The Manitoba Herald , Canada ; ?Reported" by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh??
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.?
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
Bad news for anyone looking to relocate to our neighbor to the north after last night?s election results: Canada doesn?t want you.
After Americans?and especially American celebrities?began considering making good on their promises to ?move to Canada? in the wake of Donald Trump election victory, Canadians took to Twitter to warn Americans that they?d best stay where they are.
#ElectionNight This is Canada building an igloo wall between the US, just in case. I'll bet you regret all of those jokes now, eh?
But if there?s anyone Canada really doesn?t want, among the number of celebrities who ?seriously? pledged to move north, it?s Girls star Lena Dunham (though, it seems, they?d also prefer not to house either Miley Cyrus or Amy Schumer).
Ford CEO Calls Trump: ?We are staying in America?
In what could be a great first victory for Trump and his desire to keep American companies from bailing out and heading south to Mexico, Bloomberg reports that Bill Ford, Chairman of Ford Motor company, personally called President elect Donald Trump to let Trump know that Ford will be keeping their Kentucky plant alive and will not be going to Mexico.
Donald Trump's popularity is on the rise as 46 percent of voters now have a favorable opinion of the president-elect ? up 9 points since the election ? according to a Politico/Morning Consult poll released Monday.
How do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call?
With a fishing contest in Northern Wisconsin in January, of course!
After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were deadlocked.
Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.
They decided that a remote frozen lake near Presque Isle, Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 pm.
After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.
Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing.
That night, Hillary and her cronies got together and accused Trump of being a low-life. Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were going to follow and to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.
Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total!
That night, Hillary and her democratic cohorts got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating. Hillary stood up to give her report and said, ?You are not going to believe this, he?s cutting holes in the ice!?
And this story, ... tells you all you need to know about the difference between a successful businessman and a career government politician.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.
Education does not guarantee intelligence.
Prepare for the worst and you won't be disappointed.
YouTube screenshot/Ana Fernanda Mercado, Reuters/Joshua Roberts
A trio of psychiatrists has sent a letter to President Barack Obama advising him to command President-elect Donald Trump to submit to ?a full medical and neuropsychiatric evaluation.? The psychiatrists want Obama to make Trump get his head examined because they believe Trump ?cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality.? The Huffington Post is reporting the letter, dated Nov. 29, as legitimate.